Many of you were asking about how we deal with temper tantrums in our classroom, so I would like to expand on this subject. We always keep in mind that toddlers and tantrums tend to go hand in hand, and it is essential to remember that this phase will pass. A temper tantrum is usually a result of your child not being able to express themself verbally effectively, which leads to intense frustration.

I have had young Montessori students battle with temper tantrums; it can be a helpless feeling for the Montessori teacher at times, especially when you feel like you have tried everything! However, I have found that the more consistent you can be, the quicker the phase passes.

It is vital to figure out what works best for each child. Here are a few examples to give you further insight into different situations and how tantrums may be handled in a different light.

DEALING WITH A TANTRUM THE MONTESSORI WAY

As is often suggested for positive discipline, positively offering limited choices can be effective. One little girl falls apart if someone gets in her space, but she settles right down if she can regroup in the reading corner with a book. A few years ago, a little boy threw himself on the floor whenever he was reminded to clean up after lunch; however, the quieter I said it, the better he responded. If I spoke to him in almost a whisper, he would be more than happy to go back and clean up. He felt less threatened when the request was made in a very subtle, soft manner.

It is important not to "buy into" the tantrum. I've had students that threw fits constantly, no matter how I phrased my request; they screamed or threw themselves on the floor to get their way. For these young students, it worked to look them in the eye, acknowledge that they are feeling frustrated, and give them the choice of talking to me or taking a few minutes to calm down by sitting on a chair. They almost always chose to sit, and when they felt ready, we talked about the situation, and I helped them deal with whatever was upsetting them. Those few minutes to sit and calm down were huge for them!

Temper tantrums are usually dramatic, intense, and full of emotion. However, with a calm demeanor, patience, and persistence, you can almost always help diffuse the drama of a temper tantrum and change the situation to a calm, quiet discussion. It is essential to stay calm, keep control and maintain peace.

A few strategies I implement in our Montessori Toddler classroom are as follows. Please remember it is vital to choose a strategy that is in tune with the child's personality and needs:

- Maintain a consistent routine. The more predictable your routine is, the easier it is for a child prone to temper tantrums.

- Provide a warning before transitions. I had a student who sometimes struggled with transition times, so I always gave her a quiet warning several minutes ahead of time, which worked beautifully. For example, "After you are done with this material, we are going to try to use the restroom" If I ever forgot the warning, she would usually fall apart!

- Observe and be in tune with escalating frustration levels. Intervene before the tantrum occurs. For example, if a child is struggling with pulling his pants up because they might be too tight, I approach the child and encourage him to keep trying, and if he really can't do it, I offer my help, and we both finish the task together.

- Offer choices so that your child feels they have some control over the situation. Keep the choices limited to accomplishing the task at hand. For example, "Would you like to put your coat on yourself or would you like some help?" or, "It is time to tidy up. Would you like to roll up the floor mat, or would you like to put the puzzle on the shelf?"

- Distractions and redirections work wonders with little ones.

- Avoid the word 'no' as it adds to a toddler's frustration. Instead, use phrases like "We can try to do that later" or to keep them from screaming, "Let's use our quiet voice" rather than using harsh commands such as "Stop screaming!"

- Be aware of stressors (or significant changes) that may require extra empathy, such as toilet training, moving into a toddler bed, a relative moving away, etc. A little empathy goes a long way when your child is overwhelmed and frustrated.

- When toddlers are older and have good communication skills, it always helps to say something positive before making a request and make the request almost a challenge. For example: "Patricia, you worked so hard today with the puzzle, but I see that your mat is still on the floor. Let's see how tight you can roll it," or "Ali, you remembered to put your pouring work away, but I see your chair needs to be pushed in. Let's see how quietly you can do it."

- Always respect and acknowledge your child's feelings, "I know you are feeling angry………" or "That must have made you feel really sad……."

When children receive verbal assurance that their feelings are important and acknowledged, they gradually learn to put them into words instead of acting out.

Most children grow out of the need for tantrums when they have more language skills and understanding. But the way you deal with them in the toddler years is essential. If they are handled harshly, or if you constantly ignore a child's feelings or need for comfort, they may worsen and carry on for much longer.

I hope these tips work for you!

Also, some of you have been asking for a few suggestions on following the Montessori routine at home during the Holidays. My only suggestion is to have fun with your children and perhaps invite them to do chores around your home. To build your toddlers' confidence, they need to feel like contributing members of your family community.

Toddlers love to:

-          Peel bananas and tangerines.

-          Wash vegetables and fruits.

-          Set and clear the table.

-          Wash dishes.

-          Fold washcloths.

-          Wash tables and chairs with a sponge.

-          Lacing and Beading.

-          Art (painting, gluing, coloring with crayons).

-          Watering plants and cleaning them with a wet sponge.

The children love to do cleaning chores around the classroom. For example, sweeping the floor crumbs into a dustpan and getting it to the trash without spilling is a massive accomplishment for the children. In addition, they use terry cloth towels to clean up spills on the tables and a small mop for floor spills, and they also love to wash the windows with a spray bottle, a squeegee, and a cloth.

You might be surprised what your child can help out with at home since it will help build your child's confidence and independence!

-Beetle Teacher