Build Self-Esteem Through Chores

Why Are Chores Important? A vital component of the Montessori Method is teaching children to become independent and self-reliant. As a result, Montessori teachers encourage students to do for themselves at a very early age and then progress to helping others. Chores for children become a vital part of their training—especially when the family is home.

At Lifetime Montessori school, we can’t imagine a household where kids are not doing for themselves and then others. We start our students on the path to caring for themselves and others through chores as early as three years old. First, they are responsible for working for themselves…like getting dressed. Then, as they become engaged, the child sees how all his family does chores: mommy making dinner, daddy doing the dishes, and the children setting and cleaning the table. Everyone in the family is connected to and through chores for children and in return chores build happy children.

What Are Age-Specific Chores for Children?

Surely you remember the chart on your wall with stars for all the things you did as a child—brushing your teeth, washing your hands, combing your hair, and the like. Today’s chores have not changed much.

What has changed is the attitude that chores are part of everyday life and we are responsible for our actions and, later, helping others. For example:

• Age 2-3 chores include putting toys in the toy box; placing dirty clothes in the laundry hamper; putting trash away; setting the table—even fetching diapers and wipes

• Age 4-5 chores include feeding the pets, making their bed, clearing the kitchen table, and drying and putting away dishes.

• Age 6-7 chores include emptying the dishwasher, raking, making a salad, or preparing food for meals

• Age 8-9 chores include putting groceries away, learning to cook, walking the dog, loading the dishwasher, and folding clean clothes.

At every junction of your child’s growth, the Montessori Method is focused on allowing kids to do for themselves, followed by letting them do for others. As a result, chores become more like life skills than everyday humdrum ‘to-do’ items. It’s not a parent’s job to be accountable for everything a family does.

If you are not setting standards for things your child needs to do for himself and those around him early on, then you are creating an adolescent problem to start them doing chores when they lose interest in helping the family.

It Doesn't Have To Be Perfect

Our objective is to establish expectations that kids contribute to the workings of the household. So, let’s understand this: our kids will not have the level of accuracy we parents have. Yup, they’ll spill water; drop food or utensils; feed the dog or cat food, and vice-versa. The key is thanking the child for helping! We may follow them with a sponge, but the core message is: “Thank you for helping Mommy. Now, I have more time to spend with you because you took the time to help me!”

The Allowance Question

Many parents have used the money (and chore management Apps that reward older children) to incentivize their children to do chores. Indeed, it starts another set of philosophical questions. For example, if we’re teaching our children that they share in the responsibility of our home and family, paying them for routine chores may not be the right message. Indeed, no one will ever pay the child as an adult for unloading the dishwasher. Still, there are other incentives. In some homes, instead of money, it might be a good idea to focus on working for things and getting something in return—like expanded iPad or TV time. But, again, it’s about privilege and working for things to get what you want.

Summary

Household chores for children may seem small, but how we handle them has significant implications. By starting children early, they learn to do for themselves. Ultimately, they learn to do for others. As a result, they become wired to help because it makes them feel good. This life skill creates a more robust internal family bond when working together.