Reinforce Positive Behavior

       What a week! This hot weather certainly crept up on me and although I'm grateful for the sunshine, I wasn't prepared for such a great leap in the temperature gauge. Unfortunately, unexpected heat waves can create unexpected personality changes. Heat can make both adults and children impatient, cranky, and even a little lackadaisical. This came to mind as I was negotiating with my 10-year-old over a simple matter that required no negotiation. I was frustrated with her behavior yet found myself making excuses for how she was acting. Do you ever do that? Get annoyed yet make excuses? I realized what I was doing was reinforcing her irresponsible behavior by making excuses for her instead of holding her accountable. I wonder if I do that to protect her or to protect my sense of "being a good mother." I know I raised her better! Right?

        After taking a quick inventory, I decided to remove myself from the equation and let natural consequences take over. Problem solved!

        In the meantime - here is a short cheat sheet of things you can do to reinforce irresponsible behavior; try to take them out of repertoire early and save yourself some heartache later:

* Lie for them.

* Make excuses for their behavior. Correct (or pay for) their mistakes for them.

* Model a lack of responsibility, commitment, and follow-through yourself.

 * Refuse to believe that they are capable of doing what they've been accused of doing.

* Fight their battles for them.

* Tolerate and excuse abusive or unacceptable behavior from them or others to avoid additional conflict.

* Be sloppy about holding them accountable for their behavior, especially if you're tired, frustrated, or starting to wonder if it's worth the bother.

* Routinely let them get away with things if they have a good enough excuse.

* Do their chores and take on their responsibilities. Tell yourself it's easier to do it yourself.

* Let them have privileges anyway, even if they haven't followed through on their commitments or what was required first. Use rationalizations like, "Just this once," or "OK, but this is the last time." Add, "I really mean it this time," even though you don't.

–Grasshopper Teacher