Ways to Solve ‘Picky Eater’ Syndrome

It’s a common parental refrain: dinnertime meals mean war! But, it doesn't need to be that way.

Parents are often besieged with conflict at the dinner table. As an outgrowth of that problem, here are some helpful hints on how to win the battles that will win the war.

To begin, let’s learn your child’s viewpoint when it comes to food:

• Children have 10,000 taste buds—twice as many as adults. They experience strong flavors, tastes, textures, and spiciness.

• Sadly, some children have food allergies—creating a separate set of problems. From peanuts to milk to shellfish, some children just can’t eat certain items.

• Kids control a few things in their world—food is one of them. Exerting control at the dinner table may be the only way some children can express their power.

So, let’s look at our fussy eater with compassion and inject some love and fun!

Ellyn Satter, author of “Feeding with Love and Good Senses,” wrote that there is a division of responsibility for meals: “parents decide when to eat, what to serve and where to serve it while children decide whether and how much to eat”.

One component of the Montessori Method is individualized learning, Edwards says.

Our children learn by doing. And, when we let our children take charge, we may find that they will try new food on their own!

When we involve our children in the grocery shopping and preparation of food experience, they take ownership in the process!

At our Montessori school in Santaluz in San Diego, we focus daily on their mealtime ‘buy-in.’ That means getting the plates, cups, and silverware; cutting food; eating food together at the table; throwing away any excess food; cleaning the table; cleaning the dishes; and, putting it all back where it belongs.

This systematic approach cuts the problems our school parents hear from their public school mom counterparts. For example:

• We instruct our parents not to pressure or bargain with their kids to eat

• Food—especially dessert--is neither a reward nor a punishment for how much your child eats

• We want children to serve themselves from serving dishes rather than mommy just putting food on a plate and giving it to them

• At home, we eat at the same time each day, and,

• Parents and children eat together so kids can watch parents enjoying a variety of foods.

We instruct parents to avoid offering options for dinner. That means no separate meals at separate times. As one expert has written, simply tell your children, “You don’t have to eat it.”

Your children can eat or not eat, thereby eliminating the power struggle between you and them. If they choose to eat, great! If they choose not to eat, wrap it up and serve it tomorrow.

Four Tools to Creating Lifelong Healthy Eaters

Raising lifelong healthy eaters means introducing new foods today. Start by integrating one or two new foods into familiar foods your child likes. As a result, he or she can decide whether or not to try it. And, if at first, your child doesn’t eat it, try the same foods again at another time.

Another helpful strategy is this: make food in different shapes or prepare with different colors. Hey, Mom: act like a master chef and make meal presentation the star!

Sound crazy? Not at all!

Or, how about introducing formal dress-up dinner attire every so often? This type of make-believe may go a long way toward creating healthy mealtime conversations that your child buys into and participates in. Kids emulate their parents!

Here’s one more approach: every family member gets his or her favorite meal one night each month. Perhaps one night is ‘Mom’s Thai Night.’ Another night is ‘Dad’s Steak Night.’ A third night is ‘Child’s Spaghetti and Cookies Night.’ Let your child direct their family meal menu and help you bake the cookies. Again, make it fun—not a battle.

At night’s end, you will have succeeded in giving your child control, options, and enhanced experiences—a pretty good day’s work.

Hopefully, these various steps will help you prepare one meal a night; help your child work with you in a cooperative way that fulfills your nutritional agenda; and, build strong bodies and healthy habits.

Still, if you find you’ve got continual fussy eater problems, follow the lead of millions of mothers: just put the ketchup bottle on the dinner table!